My friends are funny.

Zaida:
then you will be in court like a fancy person

Heather:
should i wear a wig?

Z:
only if it's mildly pink

H:

okay sure

i was picturing a powdered one though

like with a ponytail and crap

and maybe some sort of robe situation

Z:

oh i was picturing a floridian grandmother in a mumu with a mildly pink wig

yours makes much more sense

H:
both are pretty horrific

Z:
and glorious

I guess I'm a creepy stalker. ...Sorry?

It just occurred to me today, as I was going through my routine blog-checking...I blog-stalk a lot of people. Like, a lot. And I don't mean public-ish blogs that are universally entertaining that many other people read or something. I mean that I keep tabs on the intimate, personal details of the lives of complete strangers.

Here's the thing though: a) I don't care, b) I love it, and c) these peoples' lives are better than my favorite tv shows. I can't miss the comedy/drama/plot twists/all-out-jackassery. Also, d) I enjoy making fun of people, which I'm trying to fix, but...I really enjoy making fun of people (but only when they are asking for it).

So since you asked, here's a sampling of those on whom I creep:

-a random girl in Tennessee. She is oh-so-entertaining, and I feel like if I ever met her in real life, we'd be great friends (but only if I refrained from telling her how much I love her blog).

-a girl I went to high school with. She posts recipes, and I pretend I cook.

-my ex-roommate who is now a militant lesbian. Self-explanatory.

-my friend's psychotic ex-girlfriend. She bugs, so I enjoy pointing at her entries and sniggering. (10 bad karma points)

-a girl I've never met that just went through a devastating family tragedy. But here's why I'm a horrible person: my fascination with her blog lies in the fact that she is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. I'll just leave it at that since this entry has probably already short-listed me for an afterlife full of hellfire.

-the most grotesque marriage situation I've ever witnessed. The husband is openly gay, but married a (completely willing) girl anyway. They are sure this is going to go well for them. I can't say either way, but when you write posts talking about how your wife made you want to wretch and die on your wedding night, well...let's just say I'm riveted. Positively riveted.

-various and sundry people I know/friends of mine, which sounds perfectly normal and well within the bounds of propriety. And it would be....if any of those people knew that I had found their blogs online. I feel like it's akin to showing up to someone's large birthday party without an invite - not strictly a big deal, but still kind of creepy and sad.



So there it is. Who do you stalk?

This is a funny Youtube animal video and I don't even care

Actually, it's off of "GodTube", which is just a whole other post entirely. But I digress.

Please watch this:

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=9MB9CCNU

And then tell me how to embed clips like this in my blog so that you poor people don't have to do so much clicking.

Many thanks.

The Onion Explains Me Better Than I Can

Okay, last thing about New York. Promise.

But seriously, you guys, this article from The Onion made me cry-laugh for many minutes.

8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live

Priceless.

In case you don't have the time to invest in reading the whole thing, allow me to share with you a few highlights:

"... all 8.4 million citizens in each of the five boroughs packed up their belongings and told reporters they would rather blow their brains out with a shotgun than spend another waking moment in this festering cesspool of filth and scum and sadness."

Yes. Just yes.

"I always had this perverted sense of pride because I was managing to scrape by here," said Brooklyn resident Andrew McQuade, who, after watching two subway rats gnawing on a third bloody rat carcass, finally determined that New York City was a giant sprawling cancer. "Well, f- that. I don't need to pay $2,000 a month to share a doghouse-sized apartment with some random Craigslist dipsh-t to prove my worth. I want to live like a g-dd-mn human being."

"In addition, 3 million New Yorkers reportedly left the city because they realized the phrase "Only in New York" is actually just a defense mechanism used to convince themselves that seeing a naked man take a shit on a park bench is somehow endearing, or part of some shared cultural experience."

I saw a homeless guy puke down someone's back on the subway. And don't get me started on my living situations.



Golden words of wisdom. Here's to you, Onion!

Wanting

I feel like all I do these days is want. Want want want. I want my own place. I want my car back. I want my business to be awesome. I want someone else to start it for me because starting is scary as hell for some reason. I want money. I want friends. I want to get married. I want to do good. I want to love and be loved back. I want to travel, and read, and create, and enjoy, and learn, and change, and bless, and do something important with my life, and sometimes I just want to do nothing at all. Want want want.

And most of the time, I think this is a good thing - wanting pushes me to think bigger and achieve more in my life, even if it's just brushing back up on knitting (I'm almost done with my hat, Jess!). Wanting forces me to evaluate where I am against where I want to be, and to act instead of just being acted upon.

But then sometimes I worry that wanting so much means that I'll just never be happy, that my heart will always be a little broken. Why is it that right as I check something off my life wish list, three more things pop up in its place like some sort of Hydra monster? Is there ever a point where everything is quiet and calm, nothing lacking, and I can just enjoy? Would that make me happy or just antsy?

I don't know why this sensation has been making me so anxious lately - it's not like I never wanted anything until now. I think since my move here signaled the end of my gypsy wanderings, and the beginning of a new (and probably very lengthy) chapter in my life, it's all feeling a little weightier than usual, and it's making me a little nuts. And I also think that there are a few things that I want now with a lot more intensity than I did before. But my conclusion thus far is this: I think wanting means you're still alive, and when you stop, you die (at least figuratively). And happiness means finding some sort of balance between the wanting what's ahead and savoring what you have now.

So that's my real goal of the moment. I'm trying to minimize my need to have everything now now now, and just enjoy what's happening around me. For the first time in a long time, I have down time. I get to see my family every day after almost a decade of being away. I get the luxury of time - time to regroup and recharge, to plan my next move, and to start building the foundation of my new life here. All of those are huge blessings, and I'm trying to be grateful for them while still plowing ahead.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Love/Hate Relationship

I have a few love/hate relationships in my life, but the one I'd like to share with you today is my tempestuous affair with New York City. In list form, naturally.

What I loved (yawn)

-Seeing lots of famous/historic /touristy stuff all the time
-Living in such a hub of the world. Seriously, like 87% of what happens, happens in New York City
-Levain Bakery at 74th and Amsterdam. Their chocolate chip walnut cookie is easily the best cookie I've ever had...and let's just say I've been around the cookie block a few times.
-Easy access to the entire East Coast - mostly because states are the size of my grocery store here in Austin
-Pizza at 44th and 9th avenue. Everyone claims to have the best pizza in New York - this guy actually does.
-The reaction I'd get from people when I told them I live in New York and work at a record label (even though the reality was much less glamorous).
-Being able to check it off my life list. The fact that I'll never have to wonder about it is invaluable.
-Kristen Rock! (my roommate and personality twin - INFP's ftw!) Especially our long walks and deep (and shallow) conversations.
-The little girls I nannied for (and their mom). Such a great family, and I loved little Elsa and Callie like they were my nieces. I still miss them!
-Spring time, specifically the cherry blossoms. Gorgeous.
-Central Park in whatever season, but especially fall. Though I still get irritated when people refer to it as nature. It's a public park, people.
-Playing tour guide barbie when my friends came to town - it was usually my only excuse to do all that fun stuff.
-Having Preston, Courtney, and Jeff around
-Walking the Brooklyn Bridge
-Walking everywhere else
-Working at the label - such an incredible experience with such wonderful people.
-Trying fun new places to eat and talking life with Dagmarette

What I hated times 100 (much more interesting)

-How inconvenient everything is. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is probably a hobo selling you an empty metro card.
-How disgusting the subways are. You guys. People POOP in them. It's not okay.
-The complete lack of space, including, but not limited to, personal space
-How I always felt grimy and gross, and had to wash my hands 10 times a day
-The lack of actual nature, including the sky
-The bizarre, manic pace of living
-How uptight and neurotic everyone is. Case in point: one time I almost ran into this feeble old guy in the subway and I got mad at HIM for being so slow. New York is where manners go to die.
-Never seeing my friends. There is no such thing as the casual hang out. All social interaction is done by appointment and in a very structured, activity-oriented manner. Kill me.
-How acutely aware you are of your economic status every minute of every day. I've never been more uncomfortably mindful of my broke-ness before.
-How ugly most of the city is. No one ever talks about it, but it's true.
-They also don't tell you how the city smells like fart and/or burnt cheese most of the time. Also true.
-Living without modern conveniences such as dishwashers, proper AC, garbage disposals, and bathroom fans (seriously?! it's foggy madness every time you shower!).
-Not being able to just pick up and go somewhere whenever I wanted (i.e. in a car - I really missed driving).
-THE WINTER. Omfg, you guys. The wind. The cold. The rain and snow and slush. It was a nightmare dipped in a punishment. Never again!
-Rude people. There were fewer of them than I expected, but basically anyone who worked in the service industry was part ogre.
-How aggressive I became while living there. Gross.
-How expensive it is. Seriously, it was like living in an airport. Tuna sandwich? That'll be 8 dollars. Tuna's very rare here...
-Very little time or energy to actually enjoy the city. One of the crueler ironies of el Big Apple.
-Pretentious corporate stooges
-Freaky stepford city moms
-Their mutant children (that they treat like walking resumes)
-Dogs peeing and crapping EVERYWHERE
-It seemed like most of the people in my church out there were kind of bad people. Since when does living in a big city excuse you from obeying ALL the rules? I'm looking at you, pervert roommate...
-In the same vein, how completely corrupt most people are. I found it really depressing.

All together now: Debbie Doooowner!! I know. The hate list was long. But you know what? It's okay, because I still had a great experience that I would never trade for anything. It was painful and beautiful and draining and thrilling all in the same breath, and it was one of the most spiritually significant times of my life. And the "Lessons I Learned" list is longer than both of those combined, so that seems like a win to me. I guess I should probably share that list at some point so you guys don't think that all I did in New York was eat pizza and cookies and trample old people. Though let's be real, I did a lot of that.

I also want to say thanks for living the experience with me. I really am spoiled in the friends and family department, and your love and support helped buoy me up through one of the most intense years of my life, and come out feeling grateful and wiser on the other side.

Thanks for sharing the adventure with me!

Return of the Prodigal Blogger

What. Is. Up.

So it's only been, what, eight months since my last post? Whatever.

At first I'd been putting off writing because all I wanted to talk about was fleeing New York, but my employers didn't know about my plan to quit yet, and I didn't want to out myself prematurely (even though no one at my work even knows I have a blog, let alone reads it...I think). And then I was too busy with moving/life chaos. And then it just seemed too overwhelming to try and talk about everything that's happened over the better part of this last year. So you know what? I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm just going to do a brief recap of some highlights, and then move right along. Does everyone feel good about that? Good, me too. Buckle up!

Highlights from 2010 (thus far):

I went on a cruise with my mom, cousin, and Auntie (though that was also the vacation that I accidentally gave myself lesbian bangs, so maybe that one's a wash)

I decided to leave New York

I decided to move to Austin

I made out with an Englishman in a bar

I moved to Austin

I took many naps and ate many delicious things

I started/am starting my own personal organizing business

I retired my nanny cape foreber and eber and eber...for real this time

Sarah came to see me!

My hair got really long

I went on a little jaunt to Utah to see my favorite people

And that about brings us current, I'd say.



Here's what I'm looking forward to in the fall:

Being a bridesmaid in Katie's Nashville dream wedding

Wearing the sweater and jacket that I purchased on said vacation in Utah

Thanksgiving in Texas

Not going to school

Starting a garden

Moving into my own place

Filling it with furniture

Finding a way to legally keep a bee hive in my yard

Possibly attending ACL Fest (anyone wanna come with?)

Honing my knitting, needlepoint, crocheting, and cooking skillz

Reading the books in my to-read pile (which is apparently infinite)



So there you have it. Past and Future. Next up: Present. And bonus entry: What I loved and hated about New York.

Backstreet's back, alright!

Me Likey.

I hate the word likey. Also figgy pudding. And when people say guac instead of guacamole.

Wait - what were we talking about?

Here's what my November looked like:

1. I noveled like a freak-noveling beast. But I did it, dang it. 50,000 words + Nanowrimo=pwned by moi, and I'm so so pleased that I did it. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but I was basically white-knuckling it from day 3, and the feeling of having written such a magnum opus is pretty nice. Sad part is, I'm still not even done! As in, there's more story to tell. I've been taking a break for the last few weeks, but it's time to jump back in and wrap this bad boy up so I can move on to the violence of revisions.

2. I discovered the best tv show that no one has ever heard of*: Friday Night Lights**. You guys. I don't even know where to start with this one. It's this perfect of storm of devastating storylines, compelling characters, elegant acting (seriously - the casting in this show is amazing), and evocative settings. It's just unreal. It made me like football. Let me just repeat that so it's full weight can sink in: It made me like football. And on top of that, it's filmed basically where I grew up, and I'm a former hard-core cheerleader (and I loved it - judge if you must), so the whole thing has an especially fond place in my heart. I'm going to try hard not to rhapsodize too much, but let me just say this: Do yourself a favor and watch every single episode ever made. Your life will improve dramatically, all your dreams will come true, you'll get taller, you'll lose weight, people will like you more, etc. etc. etc., and you can thank me later.


3. I moved. Trying to move in Manhattan is the biggest pain that mankind has ever known. EVER. And I don't even have that much stuff here. So many thoughts, so much to tell - I'll have to dedicate a post to my thoughts on life in New York. But my new place is fun, if completely unorthodox. It's four of us in a lofted apartment, which means that there's no actual bedrooms, just designated spaces for everyone. My roommates are nice, but it's...zany. I'm here until February, and then, true to gypsy fashion, I'll move again. At which point I will have been living out of two suitcases for almost two years. Are you kidding me with that? I'm over it.


4. I attempted to finish Anna Karenina. It's not going well. I enjoy it and all, but it's like Bible-long, so I feel like there's no end in sight. I've been working on it for four months, and I'm 150 pages in.5. I started reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay last night. And I'm already farther than I am in Anna Karenina. Love that book! Watch Friday Night Lights, and then read that book, and then call me so we can go to lunch and talk about it all.6. Working, churching, friending, etc.

So now I'm getting ready to go home for Christmas, and it's coming not a moment too soon. I'm completely exhausted (New York is positively draining) and so ready to be home with my fam. I will also be using my break to reevaluate what on earth it is I'm doing with my life, so I'll keep you posted on any big developments. Who knows - maybe I'll decide that it's time for me to be an adventure guide in Kenya. Or to move home and take a nap for three months. Whichever.


*besides several of my savvy friends
**Not to be confused with Friday Night Lights the movie, which was decidedly not a hoot.

I need a nap.

It's go time.

I considered beginning this entry with an apology for such a giant time lapse since my last entry, but then I realized a) ...uh, who cares?, and b) it's my blog and I'll write when I damn well please. Suck it, cyberspace.

Anyhoo!

I'm going to write a novel in November. Yes, that's right. A 175 page, 50,000 word novel written between November 1 and 30th. My friend Joey turned me on to the idea, and even though I already feel way to weak-sauce to make this happen, I'm in. My writing muscles have gotten shrimpy, and this is going to be just the ill-advised marathon event they need. Holla!

Also, this happened:I'm so spoiled.

Also also, I'm obsessed with my little nanny kids. See what I mean?







TOO. CUTE.

Now I'm going to go make a big salad and some tuna and debate whether or not I'll be going to this concert on the Lower East Side tonight (spoiler alert: probably not - it starts at 10 and I'm a granny with no desire to get r'ed on the subway when I have to find my way home at 3 in the morning).

Seacrest out!